How I Created the Ultimate Winter Break with My Family
At my house, remnants of Christmas are littered about: an ornament hook lies on the wood plank flooring, faint trails of glitter sparkle on the living room rug and show evidence that Frosty was there, and there’s an open space by the window in the front room where the tree once stood. We’ve already toasted to the New Year, and it’s time to start thinking about returning to work, returning to school, and returning to life in 2022.
Yet, this January feels immensely different. I don’t have the same sense of anxious relief I usually feel when the holiday season ends. I don’t feel drained from having to spend time with people I only put up with because my relatives insist on it. I don’t feel worn out from forcing socialization with people who I do not socialize with due to intellectual incompatibility, or incompatible lifestyles. I spent my holiday season with the people I love and care about most, and I made zero room for anyone else, and the result? I’m starting my new year off at-peace and with more energy. Here’s how I did it:
I set and maintained the boundaries I needed in 2021. This is simple but hardly easy. This looks like telling your manager that they may not text you on weekends and refusing to explain yourself afterward. It’s scary things like telling your father-in-law that you don’t want to take your kids to that church, even if it’s where he took your spouse when they were a child. If you’re not quite ready for big steps like these, then your boundary setting may look like finding where you feel most comfortable in scenarios that you’d ultimately rather change. If you hate your job, quit. Or find a way to not hate it so much by staying focused on what you’re there for, i.e. salary, benefits, gaining valuable experience that can’t be gained elsewhere, etc. If you need to end a relationship, do it slowly by being slower to return calls or texts and limiting your availability. Setting and maintaining your boundaries all year long will make it easier to make plans for the holidays at the end of the year.
I drew a picture of the ending I wanted and worked toward that. This wasn’t a literal picture, but a mental one. I knew I wanted to feel relaxed and at ease. I wanted my children to experience the joy and magic of the season during their winter break from school. I wanted to spend time reconnecting with my husband. I wanted all of us to feel settled, secure, and happy with our holiday season as opposed to rushed, controlled, and pressured. For me and my family, this meant detaching our holiday celebrations from religion and religious constructs and detaching our presence from people who didn’t or couldn’t do the same.
Internally, I was flexible. Externally, I was rigid. A Santa toy drop at the park? We’ll be there if we can make it. Last minute Christmas party? We’ll have to skip it — we’re doing a hot chocolate stroll. January through November, I’m usually pretty flexible, but this past December I didn’t allow anyone else control of my family’s calendar. This made room for those nighttime drives looking at Christmas lights, for sleeping in and making a big breakfast the next day, for bonfires and movies in the backyard, and for anything else we felt like doing as a family. Indeed, I made room for our family’s plans by instituting tough boundaries with people outside of our home, but when it came to planning what we would do, those were family discussions (as much as they can be with a four and eight year old). As a result, we had the room we needed to make the kinds of memories we’ll reflect happily on decades from now.
These above steps were the framework for how I created a flexible, comfortable, yummy, snuggly winter break with my husband and kids, but they are not the only way. At the center of all of this were my wants and desires. They took priority over everything else and led the way for how I lived and planned in 2021, and I encourage you to prioritize your way into the scenarios you most want in 2022. I enjoy my life most when the people in it are affirming, when I spend time engaged in what I do best, and when I have balance between work and leisure. If you do not know what you most want, take some time to get to know yourself so that you may find these answers in 2022 — it’s worth it.
